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People tell me I should have done something to stop the abuse. Is that true?
"No. Your inaction is a common symptom of abuse, and many factors may have made it impossible for you to do anything.
It is common for victims of sexual abuse to be abused for years and never attempt to stop it or escape. People who do not understand the dynamics of abuse cannot comprehend how this could occur; they cavalierly admonish victims that they "should have done something."
Some people don't realize that victims of sexual or physical abuse are usually in a state of shock; the same type of shock as victims of accidents, holocausts, and natural disasters. Victims often have the same vacant stare as the starving children you see in magazines.
Victims are immobilized by fear. People who have been abused live in a state of unrelieved terror. You exhibited two positive qualities, love and trust, and someone else who was sick took advantage of that love and trust. In time, you will realize that there are people in the world who will cherish and respect those qualities and you were not at fault.
Another reason victims don't tell is they fear no one will believe them. That fear was certainly justified a decade or so ago. No one wanted to hear about child abuse and many denied that it was even real. But today, with all the publicity about child abuse and agencies to help with the problem, the fear should diminish. People are
beginning to recognize that children don't make up stories about sexual abuse.
Many good reasons prevent children from reporting abuse. it is important to realize that given your circumstances at the time, you could not have acted differently. You did what you could and you made the best choices you could have made then. They were
clearly the right choices because you have survived. You are no longer that helpless child; you can help yourself and receive help from others. You now have control of your life, you can take care of yourself, and you do not have to put up with abuse of any kind anymore."
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