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When The One You Love Is MPD/DID
Discovering your SO is DID (formerly known as MPD) can be scary and/or intimidating at first.
The first thing you want to do if you are not very familiar with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder formerly known as MPD) read as much as you can on it so you can better understand and help your SO. There are so many books, articles, and informational web sites on DID now with much valuable information. One book we highly recommend personally is "Reach For The Rainbow" by Lynne Finney. It is all in question and answer format and goes into depth on DID and over 30 questions related to abuse. You can also consult a professional with DID background. Once you understand what DID is and how it is generated you are ready to move on to the next step.
Next is you need to accept it. Nothing you say or do is going to change the fact that your SO is a multiple. This can be a very difficult thing to accept because to accept it would mean to accept that unspeakable acts had been committed to your loved one as a helpless child. Who wants to believe that such things could happen? You have to accept your SO's abuse and DID. They need your support and need to know you not only believe them but believe in them.
Keep in mind that although you only see your SO's face and body once an alter is "out" in the body you are not associating with your SO. Each alter is a part of your SO but each unique in personality. They each have different likes/dislikes, ages, names, triggers, opinions, and personalities. You have to learn about each of them. They are very different than your SO, some can be very angry, hurtful, hateful, childlike, and protective. Little by little you will start to learn about them one by one. If you treat them like the wounded children they are, progress will happen. It takes time and most of all patience. It is not easy at times and they will try to test you. Remember they have little trust and are there to protect your SO. You have to earn their trust. Just support them and stand by their side. The more you learn about them, the more things will come together. They need to know you care about them and want to know more about them. Become their friend. They are the reason your SO survived his/her abuse. They each have suffered incredibly and have their own share of pain and memories to work through. They need the love, trust, and care they were never given.
Lastly, don't forget to set reasonable boundaries. You have to remember to take care of yourself first. As hard as it is sometimes you need to think of "you" before anything. I know it sounds selfish but it isn't. Your SO needs to help himself/herself. You can support and encourage but don't let boundaries slack or you will burn out. Take time for yourself as well. Relax, go out, have fun. Don't spend every second worrying over your SO. Before you can take care of anyone else you must take care of yourself. If you feel things are getting too much, take a break and some time for yourself. Setting reasonable boundaries will be most beneficial to you and your SO.
©
Copyright and written by authors of Soaring On Enchanted Wings
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