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How To Help A Loved One?
"Happiness isn't the easiest thing to find, but one place you're guaranteed to find it is in a friend's smile"
"If you want to help an abuse survivor, you must begin by accepting one basic truth: you cannot fix them. People are responsible for their own healing and heal at their own pace. The sad fact is there is very little you can do. You can't take their pain away. So how can you help? The best thing you can do is listen and give your unconditional love and support. Survivors really don't expect you to do anything. They only want you to listen and love them.
What survivors want most is to know you still love and accept them no matter what happened to them. They also need to know that you love them in spite of what they see as their unacceptable feelings of rage, hate, shame, depression, and worthlessness.
Part of accepting your loved one is accepting what happened to him/her. Just as your loved one needs time to accept the terrible truth, so do you. Be honest with your loved one. When someone you love is in pain, the most effective response is to simply hold them and listen. Tell them you love them and don't assume because you told them last month, or last week, or even earlier that day, they are convinced. Anyone who has been abused believes he or she is inherently unlovable. The negative programming they have carried with them for so many years cannot be wiped out by a day or even a year of reassurance. It takes a long time to reestablish trust. "
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