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Is it okay to hate the person who abused me even if that person is a close relative?
"People who have been sexually abused are overwhelmed by violent emotions, but the most frightening one they experience is hatred. They hate what their abuser did to them; they hate the helplessness and other emotions they felt during their abuse, and they hate their abuser. But most of all they hate themselves.
Hate and anger are natural emotions. Everything that is natural has a purpose and is part of a genetic design to protect and heal us. Hate and anger are important defenses; they give us adrenaline to help us fight our enemies and the strength to surmount incredible obstacles. The hatred and anger generated by victims of abuse give them the will to survive. Hatred has saved many abused victims from injury and even death.
Anger is a reaction to injustice and falseness, it gives us the courage to right wrongs, and it is not "sinful" as long as we use it to help ourselves and others. Anger only becomes destructive when we fail to confront the problems that cause it. Turning our anger inward produces physical as well as emotional damage. Repressed anger causes headaches, backaches, and even cancer.
Your feelings of hate and rage saved you from severe and psychological damage and gave you the strength to survive. But now you are no longer being abused. You no longer need to feel these emotions fomenting inside you; they serve no purpose. Now they are
ruining your life by making you angry at people you may not want to offend or by causing you to destroy your own success and happiness because you feel unworthy. This is the time to let go of your anger, when it is no longer useful and it is hurting you.
We need to learn how to channel our anger and strength in ways so that we can get what we want without offending people or threatening them. We need to learn that we can achieve more through softness than through demands and power plays."
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